


Tripped and fell

by livinginadaydream (orphan_account)



Category: RPF - Fandom
Genre: Angst, Incest, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-07-02
Updated: 2010-07-02
Packaged: 2017-11-11 03:06:36
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 972
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/473822
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/livinginadaydream
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>He wants to say yes, but he ends up saying no.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Tripped and fell

Joe just wants to hold him. He wants to hold him and tell him it's okay. It's all right if he can't do this right now. Joe never expected him to and he doesn't want Nick to feel like he's done something wrong. He could never do anything wrong, not when they have an eternity to move on or correct things. This isn't a bad thing.   
  
His little brother is over there on the bed, sitting with his back bent uncomfortably toward the mattress as his shoulders slump over him. He looks terrible, like he's trying not to cry, with his nose red, his eyes redder and wet, glossy-wet. Nick's staring at his hands and Joe's certain he doesn't actually see them, that his line of sight is going straight through the earth to black, nothing because he's drowning himself in his thoughts.   
  
"Nick," Joe tries, moving very slowly on the bed parallel to his brother, moving in case Nick looks at him and lets him back into his world.   
  
"I am  _so_  sorry," Nick says, still staring at his hands, though his eyes have closed just slightly, and Joe knows if they closed all the way, there'd be tears. His baby brother sounds wrecked. It makes Joes' throat tighten and for a second he's afraid he just completely lost his ability to console Nick, make him feel better. He doesn't think he's allowed to touch him, so words are all he has and if he doesn't even have that...   
  
He panics, for like a full minute, swallowing and swallowing around the thickness of his throat. He's not going to cry because it'll make Nick feel worse, guiltier about something that isn't his fault, that Joe doesn't want him to feel wrong about. Finally he breathes in and he swallows harshly one last time as Nick rubs his thumb roughly over the knuckles of one of his hands, like he's trying to force the skin off.   
  
"No... Please don't be," Joe says seriously, trying not to let his voice waiver and he does pretty well considering the situation, but he fears it's not good enough when Nick chokes on himself, trying not to sob or... God, Joe never wanted Nick to react this way. He didn't think this would be the problem at all. If anything he thought he'd be the one crying, but not Nick, not his Nicky.   
  
"Nick, I don't want you to feel bad about this. It was a question with a simple answer, and I'm just glad you told me. I'm really glad you were honest, okay? So don't... This is good. I promise." Nick shakes his head. Joe watches closely as Nick attempts to look at him, and then backs out and he feels  _so_  bad he put Nick in this position. He just didn't  _know_ .   
  
Blinking, Nick wipes quickly under his eyes to keep the tears from trailing down his cheeks, and he breathes out roughly like it's taking actual work to keep up with the process of inhaling and exhaling. "This isn't okay. This is the least okay thing  _I've ever done_ . I don't - I don't want to hurt you," Nick says with a sniffle at the end and then his eyes well up worse than before so that he has to turn his head away from Joe completely. He knows Nick couldn't build a dam this time. His brothers' face is wet now; he doesn't have to see it to know that. Wiping at his own eye, Joe rubs at his elbow with the hand that's crossed over his hollow-feeling stomach.   
  
"Hey," he says after a few moments of re-composing himself. "Hey, as long as you're happy, I'm happy, okay? So there's no reason for this. You need to stop being sad... There's nothing wrong with the conversation we had. I can be happy when you smile for me, Nicky, but this isn't helping me feel better. I need you. To be happy, Nick."   
  
"I can't," Nick cries, hand flying up to his eye to rub at it so harshly that Joe's afraid he's trying to cause permanent damage instead of just stop himself from crying.   
  
"It doesn't hurt Nicky...  _Please_ ," Joe begs, his voice getting softer. It's kind of a lie, a really big one, but completely necessary and he means it. If Nick's happy, so will he be.   
  
After a few minutes of Joe just watching Nick curl in on himself more and more, Nick finally turns to bury his face in the pillows momentarily before he faces the window on the opposite side of the room as Joe. "I wanted to say yes  _so_  bad." Joe nods; Nick can't see him, but he nods. He knows...   
  
"It's okay," Joe tells him softly, his throat thickening up again and making it hard to speak. "It's  _okay_ ." He doesn't think Nick believes him, because his baby brother throws his face back into his pillow and even though Joe shuts off the bed lights to give Nick a better setting to drift to sleep in, he can see the way Nicks' back, body shakes and every now and then there's a deep inhale that sounds like someone who is totally and completely drowning.   
  
Joe lays down too, but he doesn't stop looking at Nick, watching him until he stops moving and his breathing settles. In the morning he'll hug Nick and probably make him cry again, but he  _thinks_ , if he knows Nick at all, he  _thinks_  that'll help once Nick has had time to sleep on everything and realize that he followed his heart and made the right decision and that it's going to make Joe happy in the long run, because some day Nick'll find a great girl and have beautiful kids that Joe's going to spoil and be incredibly fond of.


End file.
